So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
