You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
