my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
