My entire life is one complicated drinking game
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
