I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
