I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
should my penis look like a turkey
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
