me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
