Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
