You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
