Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
