wrigley field is MILF paradise
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize
