Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
