Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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