I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Can you bring me the toilet please
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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