I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
