There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
