Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i will never coherently bang her
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
