Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
