I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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