dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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