hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
