i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
