Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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