I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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