True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
