i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
