i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
