It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
