Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
