Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
