it was like his penis was on wheels.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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