This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
