Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
