i really wish james franco would like my vagina
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
