Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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