Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
