He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
