can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
