do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
