the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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