i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
