this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
