if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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