Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
