It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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