I am spending my child support on dildos
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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