During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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