Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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