I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
