that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
and she was petting her beer can
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
