Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
