google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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