lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
