I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
