it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
