Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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