woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
