i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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